The Silent Sting: Effects of Physical Neglect and Rejection in Marriage
Hello married people,
I normally send this out on Mondays, so my apologies for that, but life’s been busy with all the kids’ activities and so on!
This week I want to talk to something that could be the most important thing in your marriage.
Neglect and rejection.
Two words no one ever wishes to associate with marriage. Yet, for some, these words resonate deeply. Physical intimacy in a marriage isn't just about desire; it's a bridge of emotional connection, trust, and mutual respect. When there's consistent neglect or rejection, that bridge begins to crumble.
Understanding the Pain
Physical neglect isn’t just about the absence of intimacy. It’s the prolonged silence, the widening gap between two people, the unsaid words, and the unshared feelings. It's about feeling unseen, unheard, and undesired.
Rejection, on the other hand, is overt. It's the 'no', the turning away, the avoidance. It's a palpable barrier that grows with every refusal.
The Deep-Seated Effects
Erosion of Self-esteem: Continual neglect or rejection can make one question their worth and desirability. Over time, this can seriously erode self-confidence. This bleeds into everything in their life. A wife that constantly rejects her husband, means he might feel low confidence at work, in the gym, with his relationships with others, and more.
Increased Emotional Distance: Intimacy isn’t just about pleasure; it’s about emotional bonding. The absence of it widens the emotional gap between partners. If the spouse getting rejected responds to just physical intimacy as their love language, they can’t connect emotionally without physical intimacy.
Mistrust and Suspicion: Continuous neglect might make one wonder if there's someone else or if something is being hidden. Obviously most would think you are getting your loving somewhere else!
Addressing the Issue
Open the Dialogue: Often, the root cause isn’t disinterest but external stressors, past traumas, or health issues. Talk. Understand. Compassionately.
Seek Professional Help: There’s no shame in seeking therapy or counseling. An external mediator can offer guidance and perspective.
Focus on Rebuilding: Rather than placing blame, focus on rebuilding the connection. Start small. Rekindle the spark. Create sexual games, take turns initiating sex and stick to a number of times per week that works for you both, but communicate that. For instance, “We will do it twice each week”. This way there isn’t any “mystery” and arguing over when will it happen?
Every couple faces challenges. However, remember that neglect or rejection is a phase, not a life sentence. With effort, understanding, and love, bridges can be rebuilt.
Until next time, take care, and keep nurturing the flame of connection.
p.s. I am starting a new private, marriage community.
For a limited time, you can get in free for the first several who join, but it will be a paid community eventually. Men and women are invited so we can talk about marriage. You have 3 days to redeem this and get in!
Warmly,
Marina 💖